Eventually, the pursuit of the next drink poisoned every part of my life: my marriage lay in ruins; I was missing in action from my friendships and family relationships; my finances were destroyed; my job was in jeopardy; I blamed, avoided, and isolated. I later came to call alcohol the “great corruptor.” When I was drinking, my impulses were amplified, while my inhibitions were diminished. I ignored any pang of conscience and endlessly rationalized. I was a mess.

There were three main hallmarks of that time: One, I kept many, many secrets, and was a habitual liar. I was once called a sociopath because of my tendency to lie and generally hide the life I was living. Because of these secrets and because of pervasive sin, I was apart from both other people and from God; indeed, I was alone and desolate in my sin. Finally, I carried tremendous shame and guilt because of all I had done. This wasn’t misplaced guilt; I had really done a lot to be ashamed of.

For a long time, I drank over the guilt and shame I felt.

I didn’t want to face other people, and even hated the rising of the sun each day. The phrase that I heard in a meeting “pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization” seemed to apply perfectly to me. Eventually, I cried out to God for help, and he answered that prayer. I was broken and was given the gift of recovery through the 12 Steps of CR and AA. However, even as I got sober and began to recover, even though I felt hope that my life could get better, I still felt a tremendous weight of guilt and shame. I sensed that my sobriety would be in jeopardy if that guilt and shame weren’t dealt with.

In those early days, my Sponsor showed me that my first job was to get physically sober (which for me meant going to rehab) and to get honest (aka, stop keeping secrets and get real). Then, he introduced me to the 12 Steps, which I came to learn was a gateway to a better life. Next, as a part of working the Steps, he shared with me the miracle that I could be forgiven, and no matter how far down I had fallen that one day something good could come of those experiences. Today, it seems so obvious; I am so blessed in the life I live; I have hope, faith, and joy. But back then, I really didn’t believe I could be forgiven or that things could somehow be made right. I felt like a loser, a liar, a screw-up, a failure, a cheat.

How could I be forgiven, to be released from the bondage of sin and shame? It began with the confession that is core to Step 5, We admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs. My Sponsor introduced me to a concept embodied in this verse from Proverbs (28:13), “He who conceals his sins does not prosper, but whoever confesses and renounces them finds mercy.” At that time, it seemed so hard to shed light on all I had done, to “’fess up”, to “come clean.” But I also knew how malignant all the secrets had been, and that continuing to keep secrets would either prolong the pain or derail me completely, possibly leading me to a relapse. I decided to do it for real, and first to make a searching and fearless moral inventory, best I could, and then admit it to God, to myself and to another human being, in my case, my Sponsor, the exact nature of my wrongs.

Taking this Step was a revelation and it resulted in a revolution. What was so profound to me was that this Step transformed an intellectual understanding of a Christian concept—everyone sins and can be washed clean with Christ’s blood—to a spiritual and emotional reality. It was revealed to me emotionally that I wasn’t really all that special; I had committed no new sins. I was also released from the bondage of shame and guilt; I truly felt a freedom I had never known. Through this act of confession, of coming clean and getting real, I also could see things from a better basis of reality. I was more prone to see my own part and my character defects for what they were, and was better able to take responsibility and stop blaming. The work was not done, but this Step was one of the most powerful landmarks in my striving toward a better life.

There’s an important insight about this Step that I can add after a few years of sobriety that I couldn’t have understood at the time. It turns out that there is a simple but undeniable relationship between how completely I confess my sins and how much healing can occur. Only coming clean about a few things doesn’t get the job done. Instead, it undermines our ability to recover and frequently only prolongs the pain. If we have the honesty and courage to confess all the things we need to, we can fully receive the blessings: “if we confess our sins, he will forgive our sins, because we can trust God to do what is right. He will cleanse us from all the wrongs we have done.” (1 John 1:9) As we celebrate Christmas, I thank God for the birth of Christ and the Good News that we can be redeemed!

–      Jason M.

The first week everything went great. Diamond was everything the shelter said she was. Sweet personality, great on a leash on walks and wonderful with our five year old daughter who does not like hyper dogs. We joke that Diamond is really a self-propelled throw rug.  My wife was going on and on about how this was the best dog she has ever had. Then we came home from church and all that came to and end. Our wonderful, awesome dog was apparently not as housebroken as we thought. My wife was crushed, hurt, disappointed. The kids were grossed out. And Diamond, she knew she had messed up… big time.

In retrospect we realized we put some unrealistic expectations on a 16 month old dog. Something had to give as we were adjusting to having a dog in the home and the dog had to adjust to being in a new environment. During the process there was going to be success and there was going to be failure.

The fact is that at times you are going to fail. You are not going to do everything right all the time, not that you do not try your best, but everyone fails at some point in their lives. Failure however will never stand in the way of success if we learn from it. It is important to remember that failure is an event… it is not a person (or in our case a very sweet dog). When she messed up we did not give up on her, pack her up and take her back to the shelter. We got out the Resolve carpet cleaner and cleaned up the mess. We then made some adjustments in our feeding and trip to the back yard schedule on Sundays so we do not put our little dog in a situation where she is set up to fail.

For all of us messing up is not a matter of “if” but “when”. And when the “when” happens we must learn from it.

When you fail that does not make you a failure, unless you give up and quit. Instead get out your “Resolve” and recommit to clean up your life. Talk to those who are supporting you, see what adjustments you need to make in your life so you do not put your self in a situation where you are set up to fail.

1 Kings 12 gives the account of Rehoboam, the grandson of King David, son of King Solomon and heir to the throne of the nation of Israel.  His was a life of privilege as his father had taxed the people to pay for the royal palaces, temples, gardens and public works. At Rehoboam’s coronation the people of Israel sent a representative to ask the new king for relief from the high taxes placed on them by his father.  The older, wiser, men who were Solomon’s advisors also told Rehoboam that he should lighten the taxes on the people and by doing so gain their loyalty throughout his reign. Great advice… but not so fast.

A third group had Rehoboam’s ear. It was his friends, the guys he grew up with. They did not care about Rehoboam as much as keeping their lifestyle, the palaces, and the parties they were accustom to. They not only did not want it all to go away, but they probably wanted to do things even bigger now that they were the ones in charge. Instead of ending taxes, or just keeping them at the current rates, Rehoboam friends encouraged him to raise taxes even more.

Rehoboam’s friends were addicted to their lifestyle. The advice they gave was in their best interest and had disastrous results. All the people except those in Rehoboam’s own tribe rebelled and started a new kingdom of Israel to the north. Egypt invaded Rehoboam’s weakened kingdom, now called Judah, and he had to empty the temple treasury as a tribute. In the end the advice of Rehoboam’s friends led to the demise of his kingdom and shortened his reign.

When someone is into an activity, such as hunting, weight lifting, riding motorcycles, etc., their closest friends tend to be people who share their interest. Likewise people with addictions tend to hang out with people who have the same addiction. The advice they give each other makes them feel better about themselves and continue their destructive cycle. When we struggle with things in our lives it is important to surround ourselves with people who will tell us what we need to hear, not what we want to hear. We need friends who are looking out for our best interest, not with agendas of their own that include keeping us from getting the help we need.

Take a moment to think about your friends. Are they helping you overcome issues in your life or dragging you back into your old lifestyle? Is their advice leading you to success or destruction? Remember; choose your friends wisely, for they will become your greatest influencers.

But today, it got me thinking about my friend, Sam.  He died of an over dose a couple of years ago, and his life was a P.R. Rep’s dream for “just say no.”  Sam was a year behind me in college, and he was an all American football player in high school.  …I can still see him driving up in his green sports car that he loved the day we met.  Sam had big dreams back then—he wanted to be an engineer, play lacrosse, and meet a girl.

And Sam had a good start at first, but then he experimented with some drugs, and very slowly addiction started to tighten it’s grip on him like a Boa Constrictor:  first Sam played around with some minor drugs—“really no biggie,” then he experimented with the hardcore stuff—“hey…I can handle it”, then he started selling “just to friends,” and then he started dealing in town.

Sam dreams just evaporated, and one day when he got shot a couple of times, I thought ok finally he’ll finally wake-up, take responsibility, and start to get help.  But he didn’t, and he became the poster boy for “I can quit at anytime.”  But in the end, Sam’s addiction consumed him, and after he left a hospital “because I don’t need treatment,” he ODed and left behind the shattered lives of his wife and two little girls…

It saddens my heart, but yes, sometimes a wrecked life can simply be a warning to others.

So if you’re struggling with addition…for instance, maybe you have a stash in the glove compartment or in your brief case, or if you’re telling friends or family, “hey…chill-out…I can quite anytime,” then I have this challenge:  quit today!  Really, if you can, then show us—quit today!  Prove it…it aught to be easy, right?

……..But if you find that you can’t “just quit” or stay clean for 6 months, then my next challenge is:  get help!  That’s right, get some help because it’s out there.  …And if you don’t know where to begin, I want to invite you to get involved with CrossPoint’s Celebrate Recovery because it’s about helping people discover the hope and change they thought was beyond their reach..

If you need more information, or you have a question, or you just need someone to talk to, send Brian Kolb, our Celebrate Recovery leader, an email at cmail4brian@gmail.com , or me Pastor Karl at kschuler@crossspt.org and we’ll be in touch.

It’s about rescue, not wreckage…and it’s your move.